Author: Sarah J. O'Connor

Reader, thinker, blogger. Wife, mom, grandma. MA Biblical Studies, Denver Seminary.

Sarah, Hagar, Abraham and a Mother’s Day Talk Audio Recording

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ Leave a comment

Here is the audio of me speaking at my church on Mother’s Day a few years ago. The links on my website to various talks I have given over the years are either not working anymore or require a subscription to access. So, to those of you who have been trying to access an audio recording, I apologize and give you this instead.

In my talk I look at the wealthy, privileged, and beautiful yet childless Sarah, the poor, immigrant, working mom Hagar, along with Abraham, the patriarch who linked these two very different women into their life as one blended but dysfunctional family. Infertility, class differences, cultural pressures, and ancient marriage contracts surface to shed light on our own struggles to live out our lives as women.

Happy listening!

“A Woman and Her God”

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Neither Sex Has a Corner on Sin: The Complicit Women of Isaiah 3-4, Current Events, and Women Attached to Power

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 2 Comments

Sometimes, when I read a lot of what’s out there, I get the impression that some people think men have a corner on sin, or at least that men are better at sin than women. So many news stories detail men who commit horrible acts and, often, the women who call them out. Men are the bad guys and women the good. Yep, men may be inferior in many ways (so it goes), such as in their ability to rein in their passions, control their anger, or help around the house. But when it comes to sin, well, men win, hands down.

This, of course, is nonsense. 

Continue reading “Neither Sex Has a Corner on Sin: The Complicit Women of Isaiah 3-4, Current Events, and Women Attached to Power” →

Shiny Hurting People, Imaginary Umbrellas, and Biblical Authority: Bill Gothard and IBLP

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ Leave a comment

It was the summer of ’73, a hot and miserable evening in the San Bernardino Fairgrounds, when I stood from a steel folding chair and placed myself firmly under my umbrella of protection. My entire family had gone to hear the man of the moment, Bill Gothard, at his Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts (IBYC), a week-long seminar for all ages. Young, ignorant, and powerfully zealous, I had no clue that Gothard’s principles would gut my initiative, twist my understanding of the Bible, warp my view of God, or hamstring my future marriage. 

And yet that is exactly what they did.

Continue reading “Shiny Hurting People, Imaginary Umbrellas, and Biblical Authority: Bill Gothard and IBLP” →

Why Was Adam Alone Given the Command? Gen. 2:16-17, Hierarchy, and Reading Between the Lines

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 4 Comments

Some people think Gen. 2:16-17 – where God told the first human not to eat from a certain tree – has something to do with the male-female relationship. For them, it is one of the details that demonstrates the man is the leader of the pair, the teacher of the woman, and that he possesses greater responsibility and authority than the woman, including authority over her. 

Here’s how the text puts it:

And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” (Gen. 2:16-17)

And here’s a comment one of my readers recently sent me:

My pastor uses this idea as the first incidence of hierarchy in terms of responsibility between the genders.

Continue reading “Why Was Adam Alone Given the Command? Gen. 2:16-17, Hierarchy, and Reading Between the Lines” →

Awkward! Why I Don’t Look for Ways to be Led by Every Man I Meet.

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 5 Comments

I’ve been interviewing painters. These days it seems so difficult to find someone who will do any work for a decent price – I mean someone who will do good work for a fair price. But we need the house painted, so I’ve been talking to a few men who claim they know how to wield a brush. The bids have been all over the map – anywhere from sky-high to lunar-high. Until the last guy, who we hired.

After our lucky painter left, I was thinking about something I read in a recent book arguing for distinct roles for men and women in the church. More of a practical how-to than a detailed biblical defense, I imagine that even if I agreed with the premise, numerous ideas would give me pause. One, in particular, came to mind after the departure of our competent and reasonable painter.

Continue reading “Awkward! Why I Don’t Look for Ways to be Led by Every Man I Meet.” →

Did the Man Name the Woman in Genesis 2:23? Maybe Not.

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 2 Comments

It has often been argued that God created men to be the leaders in the male-female relationship. One of the reasons given is the way the man names the woman “woman” (ishah) in Gen. 2:23. So, although God formed both men and women to rule and subdue the earth, from the get-go he also designed men to rule over women. By claiming that naming is an exercise of dominion, Gen. 2:23 is taken as important evidence of the man’s God-given authority over the woman.

Not everyone agrees. Many counter that the man’s naming of the woman has nothing to do with exercising dominion, but rather with identifying who she is in relation to himself. She is bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, like him and equal to him, the ishah (woman) to his ish (man). Rather than an indication of hierarchy, these people argue, the naming speaks to mutuality and sameness. Continue reading “Did the Man Name the Woman in Genesis 2:23? Maybe Not.” →

According to Complementarian Michael Kruger, Listening to Women is Essential if We Hope to Successfully Confront Spiritual Abuse in the Church

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ Leave a comment

Christianity Today ran a nice review of Michael J. Kruger’s new book Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church. I wholeheartedly agree that Kruger’s book is small yet mighty and will prove invaluable in addressing the issue of spiritual leaders who, as Kruger states, use their position to manipulate, domineer, bully, and intimidate those under them in order to maintain their power and control (24). 

However, the complementarian reviewer failed to mention the place Kruger grants women in identifying and confronting abuse by religious leaders. In his extensive research, Kruger spoke with people in different denominations and with varying theological viewpoints from across the country. These included pastors, leaders, congregants, and victims themselves.

What Kruger learned was this: women’s voices are essential, yet too often dismissed. Continue reading “According to Complementarian Michael Kruger, Listening to Women is Essential if We Hope to Successfully Confront Spiritual Abuse in the Church” →

They Should Have Known: Jephthah, Southern Baptists, and Sacrificing the Vulnerable

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 9 Comments

Early this year I started penning an article on Jephthah, but I had so much going on that I found it difficult to quiet my mind for writing. Things have settled down a bit now, though, so here goes nothing.

You may recall the narrative. Jephthah was that incomprehensible character who so misunderstood God’s word and his ways that he sacrificed his daughter to fulfill a vow. It’s one of those Bible horror stories that I hate so much, yet somehow feel compelled to decipher. Even when I try, I can’t escape my inner need to comprehend what went wrong and what we can do to avoid falling into the same trap.

Continue reading “They Should Have Known: Jephthah, Southern Baptists, and Sacrificing the Vulnerable” →

Why I Write: For the First Time, Women Are Less Religious Than Men

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 6 Comments

I haven’t been posting much on my blog lately, partly because I’ve been working on some other writing projects but also because I’ve taken a position at my church as the executive pastor. But recently Christianity Today came out with a report that explains why I write, why I believe God has called me to throw my hat in the ring with so many others who are discussing what the Bible does and does not say about women.

“With Gen Z, Women Are No Longer More Religious than Men” details recent research demonstrating that the differing rates of religious involvement for men and women in the United States, which previously has always shown higher rates among women, has reversed in younger generations. It is no surprise that compared to previous generations there are more nones (who identify as atheist, agnostic, or nothing in particular) among all Gen Zers (women and men). The startling fact is that this is the first generation in which women nones outnumber men.

Continue reading “Why I Write: For the First Time, Women Are Less Religious Than Men” →

Does Authority Matter?

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ Leave a comment

There’s a lot of talk about authority in Christian circles these days – who has it, who does not, who should, who should not. For some it has become a dividing line between truth and error, solid ground and slippery slope, particularly when it comes to who holds authority in the church and in the home. 

More than anything, conceptions of authority govern who speaks and who is silent, who leads and who follows, who decides and who agrees. In extreme cases, authority grants one Christian the right to tell another she must not leave her violent husband. In more run-of-the-mill scenarios, authority justifies affixing “unbiblical” to a marriage where responsibility, decision-making, and initiative are shared, where the hopes and dreams of both are equally cherished. 

On both sides of the deck beliefs about who has authority, how authority functions, and who may sit in official positions of authority define the limits of the pool.

Continue reading “Does Authority Matter?” →

Can a Woman Be a Pastor’s Right-Hand Man?

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 1 Comment

Just to clarify, I’m not talking about the pastor’s Girl Friday, who pens the letter in his name, buys the coffee at Costco, and types the announcements into the bulletin. Neither am I referring to the pastor’s Yes Man, the one who is uniformly loyal, gets behind every plan, and takes the pastor’s side in every disagreement. 

What I’m thinking of is that person who can be fiercely loyal yet also possess the courage to speak the truth, who is overwhelmingly supportive yet can correct or admonish when necessary, and who does so only out of a pure and undefiled love of God. It’s the one who hears from God and can speak on God’s behalf, not just out of their own wisdom, however valuable that may be.

I’m talking about the person God uses as a prophetic voice in the life of the pastor.

Continue reading “Can a Woman Be a Pastor’s Right-Hand Man?” →

When is a Brother a Sister? Gendered Language and Bible Translation

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 5 Comments

It was a pretty typical home group, with everyone sitting around expounding on what the passage of the evening meant to them, saying all the usual things. I can’t remember exactly what Bible text we were discussing, but it might have been this one:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. (Matt. 5:23-24)

Then Rick spoke up, altering the course of our discussion with one simple comment. He told us that he had recently been praying, talking with God about his relationship with fellow believers. Basically, Rick said, he was thinking he was respectful of others and careful to make things right if he had mistreated someone. He was pretty sure he was doing a good job of being quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

His confidence was flying high. 

That is, until a still, small thought came to mind: 

What about your wife?

Continue reading “When is a Brother a Sister? Gendered Language and Bible Translation” →

Egalitarians Need to Locate Genesis 2 in the Grand Narrative of Scripture

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 6 Comments

Probably most egalitarians have been accused of claiming there’s no difference between men and women.[1] It’s a common response to the view that both women and men are full image-bearers of God and therefore equally participate in the fundamental human calling of leadership on this planet. 

Mine came in a private conversation with one of the speakers at a theology of marriage event at my seminary. I was surprised he assumed that everyone in attendance agreed with his belief that men lead and women follow, and he was surprised when I said I did not think this paradigm described the difference between women and men at all.

Incredulously he asked, “Are you saying there are no differences?” Continue reading “Egalitarians Need to Locate Genesis 2 in the Grand Narrative of Scripture” →

Are Men More Accountable to God than Women?

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 12 Comments

The other day I heard a Christian author say that men and women are assigned different roles in Scripture. “For example,” she said, “men are responsible for their family. That’s in the Bible and I believe the Bible.” She didn’t directly state that women are not responsible for their family, but that was the implication. Nor did she mention where in Scripture she finds this idea. 

Her comment reminded me of the many times and various ways I’ve heard people claim that although women are accountable to God in some sense, men are more accountable. God may call women to account for their personal actions and responsibilities, but men will answer for the overall picture, the larger narrative. A woman may be answerable for her “domain,” but a man is “lord of the earth,” responsible for everything that happens under the sun.[1] Continue reading “Are Men More Accountable to God than Women?” →

Abigail and David’s Comrades: A Case of Great and Not-So-Great Advice

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 5 Comments

David, the future king, is on the lam. Except for brief moments of skin-deep remorse Saul is bent on impaling the young man who replaced the troubled king as the focus of public adulation. Seriously, how could the groupies do any less than swoon over the ruddily handsome warrior who took down a lion, a bear, and Goliath? And how could Saul do anything other than become absolutely, insanely jealous? So, throughout the second half of 1 Samuel, Israel’s new hero is on the run.

The question the text seems to ask, especially in chapters 24-26, is whether David will stoop to Saul’s level. Under the pressure of the crazy king’s unrelenting pursuit, will David become just as murderous? Will David permit the strain of the continual fighting for his life, barely evading Saul here, there, and everywhere, to consume his heart and destroy his integrity? Will he allow his sense of responsibility for Saul’s ruthless slaughter of the priests of Nob to push him over the edge?[1]

Yet even as the text confronts David with three sterling opportunities to take a wrong turn, it also turns the spotlight on who advises David well and who counsels him poorly.

Guess who lands on the right side of history.

Continue reading “Abigail and David’s Comrades: A Case of Great and Not-So-Great Advice” →

To Help or Not to Help, that is Not the Question: Gen. 2:18, Woman as Man’s “Helper,” and Issues in Translation

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 5 Comments

Recently I took the time to do an in-depth study of ezer, the Hebrew word describing the first woman in Gen. 2:18, 20 that is often translated “helper” in English. Though I’ve spent way too many years reading every scholar I could get my hands on, I mean every scholarly comment I could get my hands on, as so far I have not laid hands on any scholars, when I finally studied ezer in depth I could not help being more than mildly surprised. Frankly, unless someone can send me a suitable helper to help me see the light, I can’t help but question the helpfulness of the translation “helper.”

You see, I had heard that while ezer-helpers aren’t always subordinate, they can be. Though ezer is used mostly of Yahweh in the Old Testament, the one being who is vastly superior to anyone and everyone, it is said that the word itself doesn’t tell you whether the helper is inferior or superior to the person they’re helping.[1] So, an ezer-helper could supposedly be either, though when it’s the woman it means inferior. Inferior in rank, that is, not in essence.[2] Continue reading “To Help or Not to Help, that is Not the Question: Gen. 2:18, Woman as Man’s “Helper,” and Issues in Translation” →

The Double Standard, Men as Victims of Adultery, Prostitution, and Jesus: A Look at Proverbs 6:26

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 24 Comments

In reading commentaries for my post The Stereotype of the Nagging, Contentious Wife, I ran across an interpretation of Proverbs 6:26 that I’m not convinced is entirely accurate. This is the verse that seems to say it’s okay for a man to visit a prostitute – at least in some English versions – though he’d better stay away from another man’s wife. I don’t know about you, but it would not be okay with me if my husband dallied with any other woman, no matter who she was or how she made a living.[1]

For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife preys on your very life. (Prov. 6:26, NIV)

The comparison between the toll exacted on a man for having sex with a married woman versus a prostitute appears to imply that sleeping with the second is no big deal.[2] Even though it’s not entirely clear how to translate the Hebrew (it may mean that a prostitute reduces a man to a loaf of bread), becoming a pauper is not as bad as losing your life.[3]

What’s going on here?

Continue reading “The Double Standard, Men as Victims of Adultery, Prostitution, and Jesus: A Look at Proverbs 6:26” →

The Stereotype of the Nagging, Contentious Wife: Understanding Proverbs in its Original Setting

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ 10 Comments

I’ve come across a couple of sources lately that argue the book of Proverbs teaches that wives have a tendency to be complaining, contentious nags.While every wife should take the warning against becoming a difficult wife seriously, the question is whether Proverbs is highlighting innate gender differences when it identifies wives as nagging and contentious. Yet one author believes that is exactly what is happening in this ancient book of wisdom. In Proverbs we discover “gender sin,” she argues, which consists of anger for men and nagging and complaining for women.

A gender sin is a wrongful action or attitude commonly displayed by one gender as opposed to the other. Gender sin may not be in the dictionary, but Proverbs attributes “anger sin” to men and “nag sin” to women. Of course, wives get angry and husbands gripe, but every time Proverbs mentions a nagging, grumbling, contentious person, it is a married woman, a wife.[1]

Continue reading “The Stereotype of the Nagging, Contentious Wife: Understanding Proverbs in its Original Setting” →

Emotion or Reason? What Coronavirus Teaches Us About Embracing a Full Humanity

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ Leave a comment

I’ll admit I’ve been a bit distracted by the Coronavirus crisis. My youngest daughter is a trauma-ICU nurse in Nashville and she’s scared. They don’t have enough personal protective equipment and although her unit is not focused on COVID-19 patients, the physicians move between the emergency department and the trauma ward on a regular basis. One doctor has already tested positive and a few patients are pending. She texted me to say, “You and Dad aren’t going out, are you? You’re isolating, right?”

This sort of emotional response may seem like overkill to some. A longtime friend complained on Facebook about Colorado’s stay at home order, arguing it is unnecessary in such a sparsely populated state. This perspective may come from the fact that at the same time our governor is telling us to stay home, he is also trying to reassure us that only about 10% of cases need hospitalization and only 5% of those are critical. And when Time magazine reports a worldwide case fatality rate of 4% but a U.S. rate of 1.7%, no wonder people are complaining.

Continue reading “Emotion or Reason? What Coronavirus Teaches Us About Embracing a Full Humanity” →

“Does Gender Matter?” My Latest Podcast Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery

~ Sarah J. O'Connor ~ Leave a comment

It feels strange to post about ordinary things – like the meaning of masculinity and femininity – in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic. Life has been put on hold in so many ways here in Colorado with school, restaurant, retail, resort, and government office closings. Applications for unemployment insurance have skyrocketed in the state over the past week, as thousands of people are suddenly out of work.

And yet I wanted to let you know about my latest podcast with Dr. Juli Slattery of Authentic Intimacy, if for no other reason than that the Java With Juli podcasts are only available to the general public for six months. After that you have to subscribe to listen.

Here are a few comments about the interview: Continue reading ““Does Gender Matter?” My Latest Podcast Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery” →